It seems everyone has their own stories of being exposed to sexism. But now the Weinstein can is open, I think it’s important to continue to share our experiences. After all, it’s clear that some men (and women, but I can only speak from my personal experiences and mine are from a female perspective) think the things they are doing every day is still acceptable. And IT IS NOT!
I have always looked older than my age, which I thought was amazing when I was 13 and I could get into 15 rated films no problem, but now I happily hand over my I.D in Tesco’s, it actually makes my day.
Also, when I was 13, I had a boyfriend who was a few years older than me, so maybe the boys in my school saw me as a girl who was ready for a relationship, so therefore automatically tied me into sex.
At school, with all the hormones of teenage boys and girls in such a small proximity I feel like I didn’t realise what was happening was actually sexism. Boys would openly ask me in front of everyone what my bra size was (actually had a bit of boob then… these days I’m lucky if a bra in the smallest available size fits), they would lift up my skirt, put their hands up there. I even had a boy ‘fall down the stairs’ and land both of his hands on my chest. Classy move! I had a boy walk me home and force a kiss on me and a hand up my hoodie. Totally unacceptable looking back, but apart from blushing, I didn’t do anything else about it. I suppose I hoped it was boys being boys, they would grow out of it. It was nothing I would have to deal with in my adult life…..right?
WRONG! In as small a time scale as the past few months, sexism has reared it’s ugly head several times. In just a few months. It’s so sad.
Yes, some of these times are small and quick. Your standard white vans driving by and shouting or whistling, ( a thing that happens so regularly, it’s now a standard and every time I see a van full of men I prepare myself to expect something.)
Things like the wandering eyes of a guy who stares too long and looks you up and down, from head to toe! We do see you, you’re not that subtle.
Then there are things that have more depth, (but doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same sick feeling in my stomach and fire on my tongue.)
I was leaving my house (I live where I work) to go to the gym and a man I assumed was a colleague, I reckon about double my age, asked me where I was going. Instead of saying ‘none of your business’ I thought I’d be social, after all I didn’t know who it was, it could have been an important person of my workplace. I told him I was going to yoga. His reply: ‘ooh why not stay here, I’ll give you a work out!’ On returning from my yoga class, I ran past a group of men outside my house, as the first guy had made me feel so shit and I was greeted with those guys shouting ‘Oh watch her run.’
I had bought a shelf for my accommodation. As I say, I live where I work, in accommodation provided so I didn’t want to start drilling holes in the walls, especially since I’ve never used a drill in my life. I went into the maintenance offices to ask a favour to see if someone could pop it up. Here’s how that went:
ME: Hi, i just wondered whether anyone could pop up a shelf for me?
GUY: Aww can’t you do it yourself?
ME: Well I would, but I don’t have a drill, nor have I used one before. I didn't think I would be allowed to do it on my own considering I don’t know what I’m doing. No worries if not, just thought I’d ask.
GUY: Can you not just use Blu Tack?(looking at his friends for a laugh at his ‘hilarious’ joke)
ME: Well, I’m guessing that wouldn’t work.
ANOTHER GUY: Or that white stuff, what’s it called?
GUY: Oh I could give her some white stuff!
Yes this actually came from him mouth. A direct quote.
All of these experiences, I thought I was in a safe environment. I had to walk past in order to leave where I live. I went in to ask for help. I should not have to deal with this! No one should, no matter where they are or what they are doing.
But what are these people hoping to gain from what they are saying? Do they think if they shout ‘Nice ass’ to you, you’re going to come over to them and immediately back your bum into their cupped hands? Do they think this is a way to pull a girl? A nice compliment?
Personally, how it makes me feel is this. I feel about 10 inches tall, it makes me feel uncomfortable, sick to my stomach. Overpoweringly self aware and self conscious. Belittled and ridiculed.
And the most annoying thing for me, a woman who has always had something to say, it silences me. I can never think of a good thing to say because I am usually in shock that a human being has found it an acceptable thing to do.
So if you happen to be reading this and you think, yes things like that are happening to me, speak up about it. The more we talk about it the more we realise we are not alone and we can stand together to try and stop it. And if you happen to be reading this, and your reaction is I’ve done a similar thing, said something I shouldn't have or did something inappropriate, I really hope this makes you think twice the next time.
Women prefer kindness and empathy, not to be lured at or have obscene conversations.
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