I have always felt more comfortable around guys than women. It’s always been the case, but it became apparent ever since school. I put it down to being a part of growing up and being easily intimidated and assumed that I would grow to be more confident in myself and therefore more confident around my female peers. But I am now approaching 28, and still I find myself meeting new women in life or being around a group of girls and feeling so exposed.
Surely your teens and early twenties are reserved for this kind of intimidation. I'm not by any means saying this is or should be the case for every young women, but it's a time where image is everything and you care a lot about how you come across to people.
In your experimental teens, you are trying to find your way in life, what to do as a career, having first experiences of love and sex and are not overly settled anywhere, moving from school to higher education or new jobs.
All I hear is with age and experience in life, you will only love yourself more, be more confident in who you are and inevitably you will end up accepting and loving yourself.
But if anything, I have gotten worse. More intimidated. More stressed about meeting new women. More self conscious.
I'm not great with make up, I don't like my hair in any style and I can't say I spend a lot of time concentrating on how I look. I take an interest in what I wear but opt for vintage and quirky over the latest trends. Every single woman (actually every single person, men included) have insecurities and hang ups about themselves but are comfortable enough and confident enough to approach a group of women (or men if they are a man) and not feel the way I do.
I recently was in a situation where I was meeting a lot of new people at one time. And as it always goes, the women organically clumped together, as did the men.
I spent the evening stood like a lemon on the outskirts of male banter (as that’s where I felt most comfortable) drinking far too many glasses of wine and being totally intimidated by the women's table.
I felt like I had been rushed back to my school days again; being the girl on the football team meant my close friends were always guys and the girls at school therefore branded me a slut. Apparently guys and girls can’t be just friends.
Don't get me wrong, I do have female friends. But all of them are friends that don't know each other, so I am only ever with them one on one. Therefore, I am rarely in a situation of a group of women I completely know and trust and this fact saddens me.
I know in my head that I am the problem. The groups of women I find myself meeting are not bitches or out to get me and make me feel bad (well mostly anyway). I’m sure they are lovely and friendly but I find myself so insecure that I just clam up, and who wants to make conversation with a person who is giving one word answers, (me stopping at one word… who would believe it?) or is stood in the corner, arms crossed and looking defensive?
In a modern world of girl power and women getting stronger and more outspoken, shouldn't we feel really supported in a group of women, friends and strangers alike. Have we not gotten past judging fellow woman? Is ‘girl power’ just a facade?
Is it because of our own insecurities that our brains automatically make it difficult if we think another girl is smarter or funnier or prettier?
Will I ever get to an age where I can feel myself around a big group of ladies? Or am I just destined to forever be friends with men?
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