Advice To A Mid-Twenty Something – From A Mid-Thirty Something

Written by Chris Bone

I still at times feel 25, perhaps that is because nothing major has changed in the proceeding decade since ascending the mound of mid-twenty something and descending down the other side at what feels like a disproportionately fast speed. Wedding bells have sound-tracked many a special day over the last few years as every summer seems to have presented another friends’ wedding and their subsequent decline into middle age monotony. However the only vows I have made is the vow never to drink again after the chaos of the various stag doos I’ve attended. And that pitter patter of tiny feet you hear? Well that’s just me babysitting my brother in laws shih tzu Alfie!

So what has changed since my mid-twenties? On the face of it nothing! I still have the same friends, the same lifestyle, sure a few lines have appeared on my face and the slowing down of my metabolism makes it more difficult to avoid the ‘mid-life muffin top’ hanging precariously over the waistline of my jeans, but in general I feel as youthful and carefree as ever - but here’s the thing, back in my mid-twenties I was anything but carefree.

So here’s the advice, as a mid-thirty something, that I would give to my mid-twenty something self…….or anybody else who care’s to read for that matter!

DON’T RUSH

I didn’t get a girlfriend until I was 22, I’d love to say this was because I was enjoying the freedom of youth and playing the field, but in reality, it was because I was a scrawny ginger lad who looked about 12. Girls thought I was cute - cute lads don’t get laid. However the delays in attracting the opposite sex meant when I did eventually evolve from the ugly duckling I was back then to the magnificent swan that I am today (some would say I’m still the former) I rushed things to make up for lost time. I was so relieved to finally get a girlfriend that I instantly got engaged and bought a house thus waving goodbye to what should have become my time to find myself, date and enjoy my new-found confidence.

The same rule goes for picking a career. Coincidentally for me a lack of opportunity presented the very best of opportunities. A high school education mainly spent conjuring up ways of making Mr Davis cry into his coffee cup (he deserved it) meant I was practically unemployable, with only the Armed Forces willing to take a risk on me, thus commenced an extremely varied and rewarding 9 year career in the Royal Navy. However my subsequent career ventures haven’t been so interesting and like so many of my friends, I no longer get up in a morning for the thrill or reward of my work but rather to pay my mortgage and fund my annual summer holiday abroad. I am stuck in a hum-drum malaise of an unrewarding 9 to 5.

So I repeat - don’t rush, whether it’s into relationships, careers or anything else, just take your time, these are the years you should be finding yourself and exploring life not burdening yourself with monotony, commitments or responsibilities.

EMBRACE THE FREEDOM

These are the years of freedom. They say ‘the more you own the less freedom you have’ and it’s so true, and truth be told it’s age that brings about ownership and that lack of freedom. Think about what you owned when you were 5, in my case some wrestling figures and a superman outfit, by 15 I had a phone, a bike and a Nintendo 64, by 25 I had a house, a car and a bloody potting shed - that was my mistake. Age inevitably brings with it ownership and responsibility however your mid-twenties is not the time to be worrying about the consistency of the ericaceous compost in your bedding plants, nor in my opinion should you be pushing prams or paying mortgages. Instead embrace the freedom whilst you still have it. The extent of course is up to you, you don’t necessarily need to travel the world for a year living off the fat of the land, although at times this does sound appealing, you can simply just gather up your friends more often and get out while you can.

NOBODY CARES

Too much of my mid-twenties was spent worrying about what people thought of me. A natural evolution in your character occurs as you transcend your way through life, sometimes these changes in your character are pursued purposely by oneself, but more often than not they are done at a subliminal level and can only be recognised in retrospect. Like so many other mid-twenty somethings, I somehow went from a carefree teen to an uptight adult in an instant (bizarrely enough I reverted back to carefree as I surpassed the big 3-0). I became self-conscious and obsessive about the perception I was creating, my looks, relationship, intelligence and job were all under scrutiny, or so I thought. However, the truth is nobody cares, your peers are going through the same set of emotions as you and are far too self-involved to worry about what you’re up to.

BE CAREFREE

So I guess what I’m trying to tell my mid-twenty something self is to be carefree. Take your time, limit the number of commitments you make and most of all have fun. You may not realise it right now but these are hugely poignant years. Your life is like a movie and you are the writer, director and lead actor, you can make it a box office smash or flop like a wet fish. These years will provide the scenes for the middle third of your movie, the music you are listening to will become the soundtrack, and your friends and love interests are the central characters – choose wisely, and make it a really great film.